The · Journal · of · an · Icelandic · Orphan

Being in the American schooling, I am finding a vast number of differences between life in America and life in Iceland. For one thing, finals are eating me alive like a tuna-fish in the spring. For another thing, they do not have TUNA PARADES (this was an old custom where we used to dress up like Tuna and play music while dancing). Sad.

I am studying now, I will write more later.

I listen to the countless soundtracks of summers past, recognizing that I have grown so much in past few years of discovery. My English is hopefully much better than it used to be. The world is a clearer place.

Have you a song in your past which reminds you of times gone by? Nostalgia has been plaguing my addled brain for two days now, counting backwards to time long gone, windows open and breezing down the streets of a city not too forlorned at that point, and dreaming happily of a life girdled by these sweet fantastical ideas that brush blow through my hair as the music perfectly penetrates my sounds.

Too long have I been getting lost in a city of despair and remorse in my mind, stumbling through cartels of pain and sorrow hoping for some solace, some petrissage from the kind hands of love to soothe my aches. Amour-prope occassionally eludes due to the nonexistance of the prior, such ineffable chains of events. But for some reason, my nostalgia temporarily masks the futility of the day and I cannot help but smile.

But yes, Johan is back. I never meant to leave, but life has it's ways. I remembered something that I feel like I've written before, and I think- I think it would make a happy ending for this.

And all I could do was smile.

Yes, that was it. I do believe I'll follow suit. As, my friend, should you.

With love,

Johan

Okay, I have slept. Now, I have not been sleeping this whole time. This would not be intelligent. Someone might mistake me for a dead person, and buried me under the ground. Here, this is not wise, for the ground is made up of sand particles. They burn when they hit your oculars.

I have been trying to understand what is happening. Let me explain:

I arrived in Ethiopia two weeks ago. I had no idea how I got here. The womyn I loved? She's gone. She left me. She said I had some learning to do. And then, I wake up here. Something big is happening to me and I do not know what it is. The government of America is contacting me over and over again. I tell them it's the wrong number. They ask which bird is flying. I tell them that the all the birds are flying, and the trees are blowing, and the grass is growing, and the rain is pouring... All but the first are lies. Where I am... well, let's say it's a lot like Texas (if you remember me explaining that to you).

I am posting this from the city Addis Ababa, the biggest city in Ethiopia. I walked through Naz`ret, and believe you me: I walked. I walked long long long. Many Christians here. They all tell me things like, "THE POWER OF KR-EYE-ST COMPELS YOU!" and I respond, "No no no! Planes have compellors! KR-EYE-ST is not an airpain I've ever heard of.
They spray water from their mouth at me. It burns.

BUT I TIGRESS (I hear this phrase on television show in America): I have worked hard here (I would teach ice-fishing, but none wish to know. They must know how better than we do) as a clown. Many children fear me now. I make cute balloon animals and they spray mouth-water at me. I spray them with my flower, which sucks on my shirt. It sprays water, but I put soapy bubbly water in when I have bad day. Anyhow, I earn money to fly back to America. I shall be back tomorrow.

I received past many epistles and I want to thank you for them. I will not respond. You worry that I am dead, so if I respond, you cannot occupy yourself with worrying anymore. My mother once told me that worrying was the occupation of choice where I come from. So, I leave many employed.

But, now you know I’m alive. At least I was til now. I will renew your fears soon. I’ll lie about some evil man staring at me. Viciously. Like a tiger. OH, you must see tigers. They are like skinny seals with orange fur, sharp teeth, legs, and spots. Close, no? One bit off my head. And hands. I am installing worry. Haha!

I promise to post more. If I do not die right now. Fat man comes my way. He thinks I am empty seat. GOODBUY!

I forgot. I did. I am so very sorry. I am currently in Ethiopia. I do not know how I got here. I cannot recall. However, I remember big happy fest of love and then... a hippopotamus-like man...and... I do not know.

I am so very sleepy. The sleepy ice-walrus has put ice over my eyes so they freeze shut. I am as blind as Beethoven, the famous Swedish actor.

Goodnight my puppies. I shall inform you as to what happened and how I got here when I feel good enough........
:(

You will believe this. This is such, because it is true! I have met a woman. She is beautiful. She is as soft as snow, and as pretty as a cold summer day when the snow hits your ear with such impact that you think it's a polar-bear kissing you, like what happened the night bef- well, I get sidetracked! I live and travel with her now for...oh, say two weeks! Well, actuallty, don't say that because then you are talking to yourself and that is ridiculous. And we are now off, travelling.
Oh, I told you this not! She is coming with me to view the America! We head last week to Seattle. Now, in Seattle, it softsnowed (they called it 'rain' and 'again'). The snow had melted like a boy in a parka on fire, while coming down from the sky. It tickles and makes you feel like you a being urinated on. When I asked someone what it was falling, he tried to beat me up, but I ran like a you know what! I used to get beat up in school. We had the school bully, and myself. That was pretty much the whole school, come to think of it (minus a few others). The yearbook was pretty easy to make.

Anyhow, in Seattle, they have something called the Space Needle! I was so confused, because I didn't know you could knit in space. Now I know why I never heard of it: that needle is huge. I do not wish to travel to the moon with THAT thing so I can make some fresh woolen socks!!!
There is also the Rainier tower, but it was just as rainy (againy) there as near the giant knittery tool!

I must be off. My love calls.

To dinner and beyond!

Johan!

PS: I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I'm back!

Well, I'm still in America, and let me just say, it is loved by me. The colours, the styles, the fashions! To live in such a society must be a thrill! I am now in Las Vegas, city of sin! But no worries, Meekah and friends, I am not sinning! A very obese man came up to me (many here are the size of walri!) and offered me a hooker. I, of course, being silly Johan, do not know what a hooker is, so I am enthralled! Perhaps it is a new fishing technology that I could send home to you! But he takes me into a room, and a woman is sitting there, smoking a cigarette, and wearing "fishnet stockings!" They make such a mockery of fishing! Well, she began to remove her clothing, and so I ran. I think she was a little confused, but so was I. Apparently, a hooker is someone who you pay, and they go fishing with you in the nude. Very odd happenings.

Anyhow, here is a picture I took of Las Vegas

Amazing, no? Like Paris! But not.

For those who do not know me and are reading this, let me tell you about myself.
My name is Johan, and I am 20 years young. I grew up in a small city called Irvine, Iceland, which is, I am learning, nothing like the one in California (where my adventures soon lead me). I lived with my brother, Meekah, until I began this trip. He is now with our friends. Our parents ran off years ago, so we've been alone. But we managed well. Now I am becoming an adult, by exploring the world. And what better place to start than AMERICA!

ANYHOW, I shall update later. Now I met an old man, who is going to teach me how to play Roulette in five minutes downstairs!
Wish me luck!

Kisses, love, and "all that jazz,"
JOHAN!

Dear all,
My name is Johan Rubakoff. I was born in Irvine, Iceland, and have stayed there until now. Today is my first day gone from Iceland. Already, I miss my friends, the snow, the trees, and the cold weather. I am currently in New York. New York is a wonderful place full of people, and tall buildings. So, here's how I got here.

[[ICELAND]]
I retrieved my passport, which cost me a little bit of dough, if you know what I mean. I then packed my baggage, which was not much, and bought a ticket to wherever I could go. This happened to be New York city. The flight was long, and I sat next to a large woman of great flatulence. They gave me a soda though...

[[NEW YORK]]
Landing was a little rough. My eyes began to make the sound of a dying polar bear: a pop, pop, pop.
Like the world was, well, popping. Anyhow, I step out into the airport and WHAM! The heavy flatulent woman smashes into me with her giant carry-on bag (full of food she took from the airplane, undoubtedly). But, I changed all my currency to dollars, claimed that the baggage was mine (don't understand that part yet...) and then caught a Taxul cabbie, or whatever they are called, and paid him to drive me to Time Square.

It was quite crowded. People tried to give me hotdogs, but I wasn't hungry. Such kind people here in America. Anyhow, I got a hotel. And I have a plug in the wall. I got a bellboy to dance for me as a joke. I paid him in cash. He got happy when he saw the cash. Very happy. Funny little bellboy.

Anyhow, I'll be posting my adventures here from now on. Thanks for reading!

Oh, and a picture of me, by the way.
I look sorta emo, so bear with me.

Emo-me.

Seeya,
Johan